…by no fault of this fairly fine Tuesday’s own.
It’s that special point in my yearly thought cycle where I begin to stew over my likeability as a human being. It’s silly really as for the most part I’m a loner and I like it that way. I get crowded very easily even by my own husband and don’t get me started about my need to hide in the loo with a book from the children.
So why does this come upon me all of a sudden? I should have sensed the storm brewing when I had a little pang a few days ago about never having had a baby shower or hen’s night. It’s a silly thing to stew over. I did want a baby shower whilst pregnant for the first time and contemplated throwing myself one. It wasn’t really the thing to do and I gave birth at 34 weeks so it just wasn’t to be. I was 19 when we married and 2 of my 3 bridemaids’ were under 18 so it’s no surprise no one planned a hen’s night or a bridal shower for me. It cuts a little but we’re going on 8 years of marriage so I hadn’t thought of it in years.
Today I’m feeling a little melancholy and inadequate. I’ll get over it. I always do!
Reading a post that has just been freshly pressed was just another little nudge toward the dramatic. Yes its silly and I congratulate the blogger for getting freshly pressed, I don’t want it to sound like I’m having a case of sour grapes. This has nothing to do with them or their post which contains gorgeous photos of a castle we frequently visited last year when we lived in the West Midlands (i.e the best year of my life).
I was already feeling a little low so a post much like any number of my posts in my “Out and About” category felt a little like a bratty kid at school thumb to nose, fanning fingers, taunting me with, “nah nah nah naaaa naaaa” and poking their tongue out for good measure.
To be honest, the obvious equation that having readers = pressure to post is daunting in itself…so most of the time I’m happy that I’m really just chatting with myself on here with a few rare silent lurkers and one reader who very kindly comments on my drivel.
I’m not a magnet for readers. I don’t post daily, I don’t consistently post on a particular topic, I only comment on other people’s blogs if I actually have something to say, I don’t have an awesome camera to take eye candy with and really I don’t have anything earth shatteringly important to report on here. I am okay with that. I’ve never been a people pleaser or overly friendly and I’m not about to start. I have a hard edge and I’m a glass half empty kind of gal. People want to read positive and beautiful posts that make them feel good, posts that encourage you to try something new or go and out in the world and see new things.
I’m not interested in being that kind of blogger, much like I’ve never had an interest in participating in the daily gossip of the mum’s standing around outside my child’s classroom for the sake of having school-mum “friends”.
I’ll be back to my normal acceptance-of-being-me self in no time…just for today I’m a miserable git to be around. I should really have a “Wet Floor” style sign to post in the entrance way for my kids and husband.
- Grizzly Guts?
- Beware of Mood Swings?
- Moody Monster on the Prowl?
- No Noise Above a Bare Whisper Beyond This Point?