Guilt, Change and Low-Carb

  • There’s a post half written I’m struggling to finish.
  • Guilt…so much guilt has surfaced in the past few days.  I’m the queen of self deprecation and I know there are times I’m far too hard on myself…but this time…my mind is completely clear.  I wasn’t in the dip of depression, I wasn’t in that mopey, deep, dark place of self-hating and rage.  I was just analysing and reminiscing and it hit me.  Once I’d picked at that seam it all came crumbling down.  Maybe with a few rum and coke’s in me the post will come a little more smoothly!
  • Change…it’s started to grow on me.  This is a HUGE leap in my personal development!  I suspect if I were to go back and read my own posts from 2 or 3 years ago I’d be gob-smacked at how my reaction to change has matured.  yikes!!
  • That said…I have a long way to go.  I’m less rigid but by no means loose and carefree on the change of environment front.
  • I think: moving across the world, enduring living out of a suitcase, switching between hotels/apartments/houses four times before finally settling down…has definitely forced me to be a little more tolerant to change…but I was never going to be the kind of gal who backpacks her way through Europe.
  • Mitch starts his new job in London on Monday…its official.  It’s real now! and its imminent!!
  • I’m hoping we can stay here until the end of this Half-Term so the boys can have some closure with school.  Nothing is definite though.
  • Weeks and weeks of packing boxes to come, searching for decent areas to live in that won’t drive me mad and have good schools, organising viewings, moving van, dealing with real estate agents and school’s again (aargh!)…exhausting!
  • Packing is going to seem like such a cinch this time around.  This time last year we were taking car load after car load of clothing, books and general crap to life-line.  We were freecycling stuff (my personal fav was when we traded our bogan-bomby-commodore for a carton of beer) and packing away every thing of value we had accumulated over 6 years.  In comparison, 12 months of stuff that began with only one suitcase per person is going to be a walk in the park.  Still disruptive and time-consuming though!
  • Low Carb…Things got pretty bad on the weight front.  I ended up back at 79.7kg’s.  I’m clinging to that 70-something.  It was horrid to see but not surprising considering my eating.  I remember when I saw that 79 on the scales when I had been losing weight for 6 months…I was so thrilled (remembering I started at 85)!  Here I am back at that point, feeling like a heifer and cringing at how quickly I landed back here.
  • I calorie counted last time and I know it works.  Unfortunately at this point in time I have to accept my self-control is shite and I’m not working the plan as I should.  I decided to give low-carb a go.  Yes I’ve screwed up my nose at low-carb since researching nutrition and weight loss in January 2009….BUT I have to do something different and shake things up or I’m going to keep sinking.
  • I know it doesn’t sound like much but any fellow chocoholics will understand how big a deal this is; I haven’t eaten chocolate for exactly 7 days!!!  7 DAYS!!!  zomg!!  On a normal day I will eat a 100g block of 70% cocoa chocolate if not more.  Even when calorie counting I think the best I did was 2 to 3 days without a piece of chocolate.
  • This week has opened my eyes to how addicted to sugar I really am.
  • I weighed in this morning.  Slight disclaimer:  My water intake has been atrocious this week and I’m certain a chunk of my weight loss is water weight.  I weighed in at 77.3kg’s.
  • Looking at my body and the fit of my pants, I think realistically I could only have lost 1kg at the most so we’ll see how I go this week.
  • Gaawd it was good to see the scale go down again though.  Such a relief!!

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